(By Carolyn Gregoire, The Huffington Post, August 24, 2013)
Think you
can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical
introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table
fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily
have an introverted personality. "Spotting
the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling, author
of "The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy
World," tells The Huffington Post. "A lot of introverts can pass
as extroverts." People are
frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy --
because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just
cultivating time alone.
Instead, it
can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they're losing or gaining
energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them
pleasure. “Introversion is a basic
temperament, so the social aspect -- which is what people focus on -- is really
a small part of being an introvert," Dr. Marti Olsen Laney,
psychotherapist and author of "The Introvert Advantage," said in a Mensa discussion. "It affects everything in
your life.” Despite the growing conversation around introversion, it remains a
frequently misunderstood personality trait. As recently as 2010, the American
Psychiatric Association even considered classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder by
listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to
diagnose mental illness. But more and
more introverts are speaking out about what it really means to be a
"quiet" type. Not sure if you're an innie or an outie? See if any of
these 23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.
1. You
find small talk incredibly cumbersome.
Introverts
are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of
anxiety, or at least annoyance. For many quiet types, chitchat can feel
disingenuous. “Let's clear one thing up:
Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people," Laurie
Helgoe writes in "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden
Strength." "We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it
creates between people.”
2. You go
to parties -– but not to meet people.
If you're an
introvert, you may sometimes enjoy going to parties, but chances are, you're
not going because you're excited to meet new people. At a party, most
introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel
comfortable around. If you happen to meet a new person that you connect with,
great -- but meeting people is rarely the goal.
3. You
often feel alone in a crowd.
Ever feel
like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even
with people you know? "If you tend
to find yourself feeling alone in a crowd, you might be an introvert,"
says Dembling. "We might let friends or activities pick us, rather than
extending our own invitations."
4.
Networking makes you feel like a phony.
Networking
(read: small-talk with the end goal of advancing your career) can feel
particularly disingenuous for introverts, who crave authenticity in their
interactions. "Networking is
stressful if we do it in the ways that are stressful to us," Dembling
says, advising introverts to network in small, intimate groups rather than at
large mixers.
5. You've
been called "too intense."
Do you have
a penchant for philosophical conversations and a love of thought-provoking
books and movies? If so, you're a textbook introvert. "Introverts like to jump into the deep
end," says Dembling.
6. You're
easily distracted.
While
extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don't have enough to do,
introverts have the opposite problem -- they get easily distracted and
overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation. "Extroverts are commonly found to be more
easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require
and thrive on high levels of stimulation," Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "In contrast, introverts
are more easily distracted than extroverts and, hence, prefer relatively
unstimulating environments."
7.
Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
One of the
most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to
recharge their batteries. Whereas an extrovert might get bored or antsy
spending a day at home alone with tea and a stack of magazines, this sort of
down time feels necessary and satisfying to an introvert.
8. Giving
a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with
those people afterwards.
Introverts
can be excellent leaders and public speakers -- and although they're
stereotyped as being the shrinking violet, they don't necessarily shy away from
the spotlight. Performers like Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera and Emma Watson all identify as introverts, and an estimated 40 percent of CEOs have introverted personalities.
Instead, an introvert might struggle more with meeting and greeting large
groups of people on an individual basis.
9. When
you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.
Whenever
possible, introverts tend to avoid being surrounded by people on all sides. "We're likely to sit in places where we
can get away when we're ready to -- easily," says Dembling. "When I
go to the theater, I want the aisle seat or the back seat."
10. You
start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
Do you start
to get tired and unresponsive after you've been out and about for too long?
It's likely because you’re trying to conserve energy. Everything introverts do
in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to
go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment, says Dembling. Short
of a quiet place to go, many introverts will resort to zoning out.
11.
You're in a relationship with an extrovert.
It's true
that opposites attract, and introverts frequently gravitate towards outgoing
extroverts who encourage them to have fun and not take themselves too
seriously. "Introverts are
sometimes drawn to extroverts because they like being able to ride their 'fun
bubble,'" Dembling says.
12. You'd
rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.
The dominant
brain pathways introverts use is one that allows you to focus and think about
things for a while, so they’re geared toward intense study and developing
expertise, according to Olsen Laney.
13. You
actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.
Because
really, is anything more terrifying?
14. You
screen all your calls -- even from friends.
You may not
pick up your phone even from people you like, but you’ll call them back as soon
as you’re mentally prepared and have gathered the energy for the conversation. "To me, a ringing phone is like having
somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!,'" says Dembling. "I do
like having a long, nice phone call with a friend -- as long as it's not
jumping out of the sky at me."
15. You
notice details that others don't.
The upside
of being overwhelmed by too much stimuli is that introverts often have a keen
eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around them. Research has found that introverts exhibit increased brain activity
when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.
16. You
have a constantly running inner monologue.
“Extroverts
don’t have the same internal talking as we do,” says Olsen Laney. “Most
introverts need to think first and talk later."
17. You
have low blood pressure.
A 2006
Japanese study found that introverts tend to have lower blood pressure than
their extroverted counterparts.
18.
You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.
Introverts
observe and take in a lot of information, and they think before they speak,
leading them to appear wise to others. "Introverts
tend to think hard and be analytical," says Dembling. "That can make
them seem wise."
19. You
don't feel "high" from your surroundings
Neurochemically
speaking, things like huge parties just aren’t your thing. Extroverts and
introverts differ significantly in how their brains process experiences through
"reward" centers. Researchers demonstrated this phenomenon by giving Ritalin
-- the ADHD drug that stimulates dopamine production in the brain -- to
introverted and extroverted college students. They found that extroverts were
more likely to associate the feeling of euphoria achieved by the rush of
dopamine with the environment they were in. Introverts, by contrast, did not
connect the feeling of reward to their surroundings. The study "suggests
that introverts have a fundamental difference in how strongly they process
rewards from their environment, with the brains of introverts weighing internal
cues more strongly than external motivational and reward cues," explained
LiveScience's Tia Ghose.
20. You
look at the big picture.
When
describing the way that introverts think, Jung explained that they're more
interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details. Of
course, many introverts excel in detail-oriented tasks -- but they often have a
mind for more abstract concepts as well. "Introverts do really enjoy abstract
discussion," says Dembling.
21.
You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”
Many
introverted children come to believe that there's something "wrong"
with them if they're naturally less outspoken and assertive than their peers.
Introverted adults often say that as children, they were told to come out of
their shells or participate more in class.
22.
You’re a writer.
Introverts
are often better at communicating in writing than in person, and
many are drawn to the solitary, creative profession of writing. Most introverts
-- like "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling -- say
that they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with
their thoughts.
23. You
alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.
Introverts
can move around their introverted “set point” which determines how they need to
balance solitude with social activity. But when they move too much -- possibly
by over-exerting themselves with too much socializing and busyness -- they get
stressed and need to come back to themselves, according Olsen Laney. This may
manifest as going through periods of heightened social activity, and then
balancing it out with a period of inwardness and solitude. "There's a recovery point that seems to
be correlated with how much interaction you've done," says Dembling.
"We all have our own private cycles."
